The evolution of a community

2008-10-19T12:13:00.000-07:00

At almost 4 p.m. on any given weekday, you can hear the yellow school bus as it lurches down the road, nearing its next stop. The brakes squeak distinctively and the whoosh of the door is followed by eight pairs of feet hitting the gravel driveway, one by one, scuffling toward the much anticipated after school snack. The noise level climbs as each child reaches into their backpack, eager to share stories and achievements from the day. My husband waits on the deck, preparing himself for the sea of activity that is simply some of our kids getting home from school.

It's not for everyone, this life of ours. Not only do we know this...we hear it constantly. Half the time we're saints (not even close), and the rest of the time, we're just plain crazy (much closer to the truth, perhaps). But for us, it's just our life--not necessarily planned out too far in advance, but a life that happened over the past 11 years, one kid at a time. And now we are a family of 14--or 16 including those already grown.

Did you say 12 kids?

Living in a big, multicultural family has challenges and rewards. We watch every penny and rely on the community's kindness to make ends meet. We receive boxes and bags of donated clothing, and in the past, people have sent us thousands of dollars to help with adoption expenses. Friends, family and complete strangers offer us kind words, banana muffins, free labor and more. Because we are so conspicuous, we are often approached by curious strangers asking intrusive questions or making unsolicited statements such as, "How do you afford it?" "You must really like kids." "How much money do you make?" "Do you have a big house?" "What is your grocery bill?" More often than not, I am caught by surprise. You'd think I'd have it figured out by now. But sometimes I'm just not in the mood. Sometimes I'm tired and completely unprepared, and I don't remember to say, "Top Ramen is only 10 cents a meal!" or "No, I don't really like kids. I just hate housework." Lately, it seems the most frequently asked question is, "What's dinner like at your house?" Sometimes, it just takes too much time to explain how soup or spaghetti isn't that hard to make.

More than just big...

I like to think our family is much more than just big or colorful. Like any family, we are an ongoing experiment in human interaction--just bigger. We are a global community. As Dr. Caputo says, a community is "A group of individuals who have learned how to communicate honestly with each other, whose relationships go deeper than their masks of composure, and who have developed some significant commitment to 'rejoice together, mourn together' and to 'delight each other, and make others' conditions our own.'" Well, this is our family. Each day, we are living in a way that connects us to others in a real and personal way all over the world. We cannot escape these connections. They are meaningful to us because our children are meaningful to us. Their connections to people and places are a significant part of their lives. And really, if you think about it, connections like these can really begin to make a difference in the world. It's not that hard for me to move from considering Chinese children, American children or Ethiopian children to consider Iraqi children or Sudanese children. Because of my kids, it's easy for me to see the connections the U.S. has with other countries in relation to poverty, injustice, health and suffering. We aren't too different. And if we aren't all that different, it's certainly easier to connect, to embrace...to love.

But perhaps even better than discovering all the similarities, is discovering the differences. Each culture or family we connect with brings with them a rich and amazing history, their own customs and incredible stories. Even as we see the traumatic results of abusive childhoods, unbearable addictions or the devastating effects of poverty and disease, we also see incredible hope, perseverance and love. We certainly didn't begin this journey with these expectations--we simply wanted to be parents together and there were children needing homes. But, over the years, our family has evolved into something much greater than that initial desire. We have become a global, multicultural, multiracial community. And for that, I am eternally grateful.

About me and my project...

2008-10-19T01:25:00.000-07:00

Global Family. Daily Life.

The evolution of a community

About me and my project...